Choose forgiveness
I don’t know where I heard this, but forgiveness is the source of miracles.
The inability (or reluctance) to forgive is humankind’s greatest failing. It is the curse of a majority of personal strife, as well as global war.
When you hold on to your anger, resentment, or disappointment in other people, you sabotage your own happiness.
You use your precious spiritual energy on these negative emotions, when you could be using that power to live a joyous life, attract abundance, and improve the conditions of the world around you.
People say that not forgiving others is like drinking poison for the way it hurts our own psyche. Forgiveness is a simple, deep practice that can have great rewards.
Think about people you know who hold grudges, is that healthy or something to strive for?
As a life strategy, forgiving others is near the top of the charts. It provides a certain deep inner calm and ease knowing that you have forgiven and are yourself forgiven as well – whether done by another or self-forgiven. With forgiveness, anger is no longer a driver and rarely thought of (except for that person who just cut you off while driving which I think is a universal emotion, am I right?)
Ho'oponopono is a traditional Hawaiian practice, it includes this mantra "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you." (Wikipedia has much more in-depth information on the practice than I can provide here, this is a simplified version.) Saying this mantra simply and with intention to yourself helps you have self-forgiveness for your own failings. Saying it to another when you have something to be forgiven for is meaningful. If you are no longer in touch with the person you want to forgive, using this mantra as if they are saying it to you helps release that pain as well. Try saying it into a mirror for an additional layer of forgiveness.
When I was a kid, I was horribly bullied for many years. I was bitter and angry at my bullies and it was very difficult to get past my grudges, hatred, fear and the unfairness of it all.
Once I learned about forgiveness practices, and with a lot of tears and working through it, I no longer feel much of anything towards them…in fact I’d probably give them a hug and tell them I forgive them. They were kids, they didn’t know how badly they could hurt other people. As adults, we get to choose how we react to past pain – and we get the opportunity to think differently about it every day.
One thing to note here is that forgiveness is done for ourselves. It’s not done for other people. Some things are horrific and never ever to be forgotten. However, letting the darkness consume you does just that, consumes you. Forgiving yourself in ways that feel good and are accessible can help alleviate that pain and help to repave those neural pathways. Forgiveness does NOT mean to give up on yourself and your pain, it means you recognize that both pain and forgiveness can coexist, and you can start to trust and believe in yourself again.
Louise Hay has some excellent forgiveness practices that are in her book “You Can Heal Your Life.” From her book: “Forgiveness of ourselves and others releases us from the past. When we are stuck it usually means there is more forgiveness to be done.”
One exercise I love is dissolving resentment:
Sit or lie down and relax. Take a few deep breaths in and out. Once you are relaxed, close your eyes and imagine yourself in a theater, and in front of you is a small stage. On that stage is the person that you resent the most. When you see this person, try and visualize good things happening to them – things they would love. See them being happy on stage, accepting these accolades and enjoying themselves.
Then, once their applause dies down, YOU go on stage! See amazing things happening to you – all that you want! Feel that feeling of happiness and accomplishment. Accept your roses, your applause, smile and be excited about who you are and feel grateful. This feeling grows as you do this exercise more – the visualization of it all. Every time you do this exercise, you may imagine a new person up on stage. Keep doing this and notice how much better you feel as you release your resentments and replace them with warm fuzzy feelings for what is possible for your life instead.
Along with the practices discussed, there are also many other ways to release resentment and grudges.
- Youtube Forgiveness meditations are plentiful and powerful
- Journaling about your resentments and gradually releasing them through the power of writing
- Write a letter to the person you are upset with about how what happened made you feel. Burn it with a mantra that by burning your resentments, you release the hold that event(s) had on you and you are free
- Create your own ritual either by yourself or with a friend or trusted advisor.
Forgiving yourself and others is a process and may bring up some deep-seated feelings. If you ever feel that you are struggling through the process of forgiveness and releasing, please contact someone you trust or a professional to help see you through.
And remember – you get to choose your thoughts, which sometimes can be the most radical act of all.
Freedom from resentment (and maybe a miracle or two) are possible.
You got this.
